You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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