just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
