if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
