he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize