it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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