guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
