Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
