He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize