i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
