There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
