Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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