That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
