The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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