I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
