Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
