So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize