i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just found puke in my bra..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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