Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
