If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
