Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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