I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize