Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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