to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
