You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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