One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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