i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
