Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
