Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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