I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
