Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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