Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
