Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm just crazy horny about you
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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