Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
