i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
God I need to hump something, right now.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
