I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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