His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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