Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
