how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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