he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
