That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
