What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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