Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
