What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
