I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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