I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
