It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
