THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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