Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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