:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
