Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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