You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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