yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
