do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
