Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i came on her dog
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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