Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
