The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
