I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
