i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
