I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
