I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
