i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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