So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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