it was like eating out sand paper
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize