I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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