Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
