Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize