HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize