fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
