I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
