It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
