You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
