How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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