When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
