I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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