someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Life is so much better after having sex.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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