I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
