Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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