Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
