Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
