I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
