Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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