i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize