I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
