I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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