are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
