Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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