WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
