She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
