I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
