I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
