idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Still dying that you shit outside
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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