I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
