we have pet lesbian snakes
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
