dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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