did you get engaged???
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
