I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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