Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
