The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i've created a new STD.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
