My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
